(reference: Judges 6:36-40)
I’m searching the Bible for the word “fleece.” Some might find that amusing, as if the word is written between the lines all the way through.
But it was the story of Gideon I was looking for. Not the part where he pared down his soldiers according to their drinking style, or the part where he frightened the enemy into fleeing, but the part at the beginning of the story, with the fleece.
My computer asks me from time to time, “Are you sure?” I pride myself on always answering yes to this question, every time. In fact my hypothesis is that no-one has ever answered other than in the affirmative when their computer asked this question. This is where viruses and lost files come from.
But there are times when I doubt. Do I doubt myself, my god, or my computer? Yes, each at different times. I doubt myself and my god at the same times though. Those times when I am listening and not sure of what I’m hearing. Sometimes when you’re alone on the prairie, and the wind speaks, it’s hard to know if you’ve heard something or nothing. My grandfather used to play a trick on Christmas Eve. He would say to the kids, “Listen! Do you hear that? Sleigh bells.” Listening there in the quiet farmhouse mid-winter on the northern prairie, it actually wasn’t hard to hear sleigh bells. As adults we know what tricks the mind can play on us. Or do we?
So I turn to God and I say, “Speak to me! Tell me.” And when I hear the voice, it is unmistakable. But yet, what about all that time I’ve spent waiting, and thinking to myself, “Was that it? Did I just hear something?” Is it like the sleigh bells? Sometimes it is like those phantom sleigh bells, but sometimes it is the truth. When it’s true, it sounds different, but our minds play tricks and we forget.
So I said to God, “Lay out a fleece for me.” And if it is wet while the grass is dry, then I will know. And if it is dry while the grass is wet, then I will know. But if it is wet and the grass is wet, or it is dry and the grass is dry, then I will know that there is nothing unusual to look for here. The trick is, Gideon laid out his own fleece in the story, but I am waiting to see this fleece appear. I do not know what form it will take, but I trust that when I see it, this fleece will ring to me as the voice of God. And I will know.
I used to think that this story about Gideon was about his lack of faith in God, and I never understood why God would allow himself to be tested by a man. After all, Jesus told Satan “Thou shalt not put the LORD thy God to a test!” But now I see. I see that Gideon was testing his own hearing. How are we sure? How do we know the voice of God? I will attest that it is a clear voice. However, when our minds are clouded by the things we believe, and things we wish were true, it is easy for us to play the God card and refute all arguments. If this is truly the voice of God, then it will be clear. And so, this is when we look for a sign. Something external to us, outside of our own heart, outside of our personal influence. Some way in which we cannot rig the game.
This doubt is doubt in our ability to discern, not a doubt in God’s ability to speak. Searching for Gideon’s fleece now might just be our path to discernment.